Wednesday, February 10, 2010

I am just trying to Survive.

I started this blog to document my journey. I started this blog to share my story. I wanted women to realize other people get 'it', depression. I wanted to educate people that have never experienced it and I wanted to start opening doors for people be able to freely talk about it.
I had grand plans of starting an etsy shop. I even made a few things for it, but as my anxiety grew, I realized I had lost my focus. I am not doing this to make money. I am doing this because it is apart of my therapy. I need crafting to bring a sense of sainness in my life. It is MY thing, where I get to express myself. It stays done and never talks back.
So, I am letting go of an etsy shop right now because I am still in therapy. I need to do something not because there is a demand for it, but because I want to do it. So, here is the deal, if you see something you absolutely HAVE to have on my blog, email me and we can work something out. I love sewing, so if you want to purchase the fabric, I will sew it for a fraction of the price. It would help my in my journey. There is therapy in crafting for me. I am sure there are SOOOOOOOOOOOO many people I am disappointing right now ;) j/k BUT let me frank, I am really struggling right now. I don't need one more thing to worry about and an etsy shop is too much for me. My kids deserve a better mother. My husband deserves a better wife, I deserve a better quality of life.
Want to know the truth, I get so overwhelmed to the point that simply unloading my dish washer makes me want to cry. The jobs I 'THINK' I should, need, or aut to do incapacitates me to the point that nothing gets done. I worry that people will think I am broken, mentally insane, or unstable because I think that about myself..... I want a better life, but I can't seem to find it. I feel like I am almost there and then it slips out of my reach. I see a Psychologist and a Psychiatrist, plus, I am on medication. I pray for help, I do things that bring me joy (running, eating, crafting, music, kids, being outside, and hanging out with friends) but all those feel like a band aid. I am totally lost right now, looking for the way out. Where do I go from here? I don't know. I am just trying to survive.


shaner82 said...

Just do what helps you....and you are not alone. Many of us feel or have felt like this.

queenbbeee said...

I really felt the need to comment on your post. I can honestly say that I know how you feel. I have delt with depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember. When I was about 7 yrs old is when I have my first memories of my anxiety getting in the way of life. I would be so nervous and sick to my stomach that I didnt want to go to school but I didnt know why. I have tried many different things over the years, nothing really has worked. My problem is I dont stick to anything, and as I get older (I am 31) it seems to be getting worse. I like you have turned to crafting and sewing which I love but have a hard time staying focused on one project at a time. I wish I had some helpful answers to give you... I just felt the need to share and let you know that I would love tochat more with you... maybe we could be of some moral support to each other.
My Blog:
My Email:

I hope to hear from you,

Michaelangelo said...

Love you Brenbren! You'll make it through this-- it's okay to be overwhelmed and to not have your house in perfect order all the time. It's so much more important to take time for yourself and your kids. Call me if you want to talk! Love always, Butter

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