Tuesday, November 17, 2009


Depression is a interesting thing. It hides in the farther reaches of your brain and springs out when you least expect it, but retreats before you can dissect it's cause.
I have learned a lot about people through this trial. I have seen people who learn of my story pull farther away from me, afraid that if they touch me or come to close, they too will be infected. People who once smiled and stopped to talk, give me a 'knowing' wavering smile, but no longer willing to be-friend a depressed person.
I find myself pulling farther and farther away from the "world". I feel to fragile to build on relationships that are so fickle. I can't handle their scrutiny and false friendships. It hurts to bad, I feel more alone when I realize it was all a facade, so I am better off without such things!?! Or am I?
I have come to see and feel more deeply for those around me. My heart aches for others who struggle, even wallow in trials. I wish to ease other's burdens, to lighten their load because I have often wished someone would do the same for me. I have not had many people who were willing to lighten my load; however, my family was usually the only ones willing to come to my aid. The one person who always stood beside me was my spouse. He was never afraid to touch me, never pulled away, never embarrassed or ashamed of me. He held me as I cried, prayed with me for answers, and cheered me up. I am eternally grateful for his true love. Without him, this trial would be truly unbearable.
I have found my true friends. The ones who still call, still interact with me, still care for my well being. The true friends who don't feel like I am just extra baggage, they are the ones who pushed me to try harder, loved me despite myself, and hugged me when I needed it. Thanks to those few angels who strengthened me and showed true Christ like love.
I am not a plague, I am not contagious, I am a woman who has a disease, a chemical imbalance, a trial. I am a woman who is willing to share this story in hopes that someone out there will feel my love and strength. That someone will know you do not need to be embarrassed or ashamed because we are all in this together. We all have trials, though they may be vastly different, may we each learn from each other and lift one another. Let us lift instead of bring down, let us cheer and brighten, instead of hurt and demean. Let us love each other because of our differences. That is what I have learned through this. That is what I have come to KNOW. Everyone needs someone to lighten their load, and I hope that this blog may do that for others.


Princess of Everything (and then some) said...

You said it beautifully! ~applaudes~

I am glad you have a good support system. I do too. it makes such a difference!

Emily Dawn said...

I also have depression and use crafts as a way to help cope with it. I can identify with everything you posted on here. I enjoy reading your blog and keep up the good work!

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