I has been a while sense I felt like sharing my thoughts about how I have been feeling. I am still not sure if that is because I was pretending nothing was wrong or if nothing really was wrong. I am trying to go off my medication. Is that a good idea. Probably not, but I am doing it under a doctors supervision. I will be taking a lower dose for 3 months. If everything is still fine, then I will go even lower for another 3 months, etc. See it’s easier to up a dose and get quicker results than it is to give a new dose to someone who doesn’t have it in their system.
Why, you may be asking, do I want to go off it? Well, I want to have another child somewhere in the future and I don’t want to be on medication when I am pregnant. I figure if I start now, I will be ready next year sometime. Maybe have a winter baby. We shall see. Right now I am not depressed. I haven’t been “depressed” for a while. Except today I feel a little mediocre but that’s because I just ate five cookies for dinner (and maybe some, okay fine, a lot of cookie dough). Freak! It’s not like I am on trial here, but I feel the need to spill my guts; however embarrassing and unhealthy they may be.
See, I learned something when I went to visit my mom over the summer. I realized I liked having fewer responsibilities. I like to craft for the shear pleasure, not because I have to. I was feeling pressure with my Etsy store. So I closed it down. I was feeling like my craft blog was taking too much time, so I cut back. I don’t feel the pressure to be constantly coming up with new ideas. I make what I feel like making right then. Doesn’t matter if it’s old news. At least it’s news. I am learning not to care as much, to just do what I feel like I can do. That may mean my house isn’t clean for the day. Big deal! At least I made super hero capes that my kids LOVE. Maybe, just maybe, my dishes are left undone. Who cares when my son and I defeat the world we were stuck on in Super Mario. I my not have taken a shower, fixed, my hair, and put make up on, but I did get to see my daughter twirl around the room singing her heart out to the tune of her own made up song.
In a way, depression has made me cut back and get back to basics. I find myself only doing things that bring happiness and peace into my life. If it makes my daughter happy to have a pink dress, I will make her a pink dress. If it makes my son happy to play Super Mario brothers, I will play Super Mario brothers. My blog may suffer, the cleanliness of my house may be questionable, but I don’t care any more.
So if you come to my house and it is a disaster and you are afraid to sit down. Just now that I have been busy that day doing what brought me the most peace that day and obviously cleaning was not one of those things.
4 comments:
~applaudes~ Bravo....seems like you have figured out what is important.
I am glad that you are using a doctor to help you taper off.
You also might want to consider giving up flour. Yes you can do it.
Start eating serotonin rich foods to help your body.
You rock. really. You couldn't have said it better. Great job and good luck!
Wow. So I am new to your blog. It think I found it through SYTYC. Anyway, I've subscribed but I had never read any of your past entries or about you. Today's post really struck home with me, so I clicked to see if I could find out more about your story. Thanks so much for sharing. Although my life seems pretty nice to so many other people, I feel that I'm on an emotional roller coaster all the time. I used to blame that on being pregnant or postpartum, but I kind of feel like I haven't been happy much at all in the last seven years. So I've wondered about depression. Anyway, your comments have given me thoughts on what I may need to talk to the doctor about and I feel like I finally found someone who could identify with me. I love sewing too and I identify with the making things that stay done and things I have control over. Please keep crafting and writing.
Good for you Brenda! Find the happy medium and run with it!!
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