Thinking Normal!?!

I have to admit I have had a very hard week. I have been seriously struggling with depression. I went off my antidepressant before I was ready and now I am having an emotional crisis.
It's so FREAKING frustrating feeling like I'm 'that' person. 'That' person who has to take a dam pill just to think normal, just to get out of bed in the morning, just to feel okay about taking a shower. The pill makes it so I can actually make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for my son without feeling totally overwhelmed.
I feel so screwed up and mentally unstable. Life is hard, everyone has trials and struggles, but I feel like mine are drowning me.

1.My mom is dieing of cancer
2. My husband works at LEAST 80 hours a week as a resident
3. I have depression ..... NEED I SAY MORE
4. I have 2 small children
5. It's 113* degrees here and too hot to go outside.
6. We are buying a house and it needs a little work, but I have to do it all myself because see #2

I won't lie, I have thought that dieing was the only way to finally end this fucking reality. Really, I feel like everything is just a big band-aid. I want lasting solutions, not ones that, if taken away or unavailable, or hard to get, will send me spiraling into the darkest mental abyss.

Think happy thoughts, it's not about thinking, it's about becoming incapacitated because your son wants you to get him a drink of water. I keep thinking if I just pray hard enough, if I be a better person, God will take this away. I must be doing something wrong. Why is it not going away. I guess God wants me to take that pill.
Every day, 1 pill, every day a glimpse into the lives of 'normal' people. The pill makes me 'normal'. I hate that pill; I despise it. I want to dam it to a life of exile, but I can't live without it.

Shoes, a Girls 2nd Best Friend

My friend taught me how to make over shoes. Last night I had a little girl night and we covered shoes. Warning: the fabric dries darker and I didn't realize that so I ended up with it looking more black than I planned.






All you need is a little mod podge and fabric. I am not finished yet. I am going to add a buckle on the top for embellishment, but I was really excited and wanted to share the fun!

Remodeling Dreams

Next year we are going to remodel our kitchen. Here are the before shots.



I want to do my kitchen in black, white, and green. I think I want to have either black cupboards with white counter tops or white with black counter tops. I am going to paint my wall an subtle green.


I also I have a room right next to my kitchen that I would like to incorporate into this! I have no idea what to do with the fire place, but I will begin looking soon. I love the idea of having a bench in front of the fire place. I will put some pillows and add a cushion.

Here are some things I really like!


I am a huge fan of the dark counter tops and antiqued white cupboards! I like the bead board here.


I really like the two tons here. A black island with everything white. Hhmmm.... something to think about.


I love the back board behind the stove!


Once again, black counter tops with white cupboards, but I love the photos and splash of green.


I love how the island is different from the rest of the counter tops


This is gorgeous. I like the idea of black cabinets and white counter tops

Mind Make-over

I caught the last 15 minutes of Dr. Phil the other day and he was talking about addictions. It was addictions to things like shopping, eating, and work.
Dr. Phil asked everyone the same question, "What are you running from?"
It turned out, it was lack of confidence. The addict was trying to hid from the pain of repulsion they felt about themselves.
I began thinking about myself and how I don't deal with stresses in my life. I run from them. I either ignore them or eat. I am repulsed by my physical appearance because my body has changed so dramatically after giving birth to 2 children. I don't understand how my spouse could be attracted to it, especially when I KNOW what I really look like. I stay home most of the time because I don't want people to see me like this, but that makes me feel worse. I feel like people don't like me and I don't have friends. I feel like I am not a likable person. Which, as you can see is a cycle of never ending unworthiness.
I wondered, "How does one build self confidence? How do I stop worrying about my flaws?"
I really had no idea how to fix it. So, I asked my very wise and understanding husband. I was hoping for some amazing solution that would be a quick fix and I would suddenly morph into this happy person who loved herself and felt comfortable in the skin I am in. YEAH RIGHT!?!?!
He told me I had to control my thoughts. That if a bad and degrading thought entered my head, I had to make a plan of how to IMMEDIATELY get it out. I decided to sing really loudly (in my head, so no one else hears it) a song I made up. It's all about me!

Oh, you're so beautiful, you have pretty blue eyes and a great smile. It's so white and straight. You have the firmest butt anyone has ever felt (which seriously, I do, it is a gift really). You have a giving heart and a friendly personality. Go girl you ROCK!!!!

This is day one of my new mind make over. I have sung that song a million times already and it's only 9:30 AM . Seriously, I am seeing a problem here. I never noticed how often I put myself down. It is usually just a small, "I wish my stomach was flatter." type of thought, but it still hurts. I am going to start counting how many times I sing it. That way I can see how I sang it less and less as time went on.
WAHOO!!!!!

Making an Oval Template

Ellipse foci, football, egg shaped.... OVAL people! I was trying to find an EASY tutorial on how to make an oval template. All I could find was Mathematicians and Physicists mathematical mumble jumbo and drawings that had angles and numbers EVERYWHERE. Maybe you understand a lot of these terms, but I don't!

And I quote:

"The problem with an oval is that its a circle with two centers or an ellipse in which you have
two back to back parabolas with dual opposing foci. In some cases, its hard to tell the
difference. In other cases, the ends are more football shaped."

humada whatada!?!?!?!?!?!?

Go on, Google it..... once you have gotten nice and confused, come back here and I will put it in words that people actually understand.

I needed my oval larger than standard size paper so I taped 4 pieces together to get the size I needed.

All I had was blue painters tape, so bear with me please!

First, fold your paper in half. (hamburger style is what I learned in school)Get a good crease... then unfold it.


Fold it in half the other way (hot dog is what I learned in school) Get a good crease!


Now, with your paper folded folded the length of the paper (hot dog style), draw a straight line to the center fold from both corners. It should look like a triangle on your paper.


Now you need to find a bowl that can go from corner to corner or X to X like in my picture :)


Trace the outline....



See that little area, you might get that when you trace or you might not, don't be alarmed either way. BUT try not to get it. I happened to get it. When you are cutting out the oval, DON'T cut that out. You won't get an oval if you do. Just pretend like that little indent doesn't exist. Keep cutting straight past it.


Here is my oval all cut out. Because I had that little indent, I had to fold it the other way and fix the edges, but it turned out great!

Good luck!

Making BLING

Every girl needs a little BLING BLING! I go weak in the knees for a gorgeous necklace. I have heart palpitations for an 'oh so sassy' bracelet or a scrumptious pair of earrings. So, I decided to try my hand at making some jewelry.

I got decor gems at Joann's and used my 40% coupon. They need to be clear with a flat back. I got some large and small ones to test out.

I bought these adjustable rings from THIS etsy shop...(The Perfect Bead)

Get this AMAZING glue. I got mine at Joann's and used my 40% coupon.

Get an assortment of scrapbook paper. Those tiny scraps you hung onto thinking "I could use this for something." Works perfect for this!

I just used Mod Podge to glue the paper onto the flat part of the gem.

Press firmly onto the paper. Once it's dry cut it out.

Then covered back of the paper with Mod Podge. Let stand until completely dry.

To glue the back of the rings on, use the E 600 glue and apply it on the ring first.

Press onto the back of the gem.

Let it dry over night.

Here are a few of what I have done so far.

Something I have learned, I don't really like the large rings. I prefer the smaller ones. I am going to turn the large stones into pendents for necklaces. You can buy the necklace things at THIS etsy shop (Studio 66).

D.I Tray (Desert Industries)

I found a great tray at the D.I in Pocatello, ID. I thought it was a must have, so I squished it into my suitcase to bring it home;) It was dark brown. I just covered the wicker parts and spray painted it white. Then I distressed the edges with some sand paper.


Here is a close up of my handy work. It is going into my guest bathroom for any visitors who come to visit. Just a little token to make my guests feel more at home.


I think it looks darling in the bathroom. It makes you feel like you are in a hotel just looking at it!

Happy Feet!!!

Alright, I need to post this because I am excited about how they turned out. My son has these lightening McQueen flip-flops that he LOVES. I hate them because he always gets the hugest blisters from the plastic. SOOOOOO, remember THIS D.I. find!?! Well, here is what I did with it.

Here is the plastic piece in question. They make look innocent, but they are vicious! I cut these off.


3 blisters.... OUCH! And those look great. They are almost healed.


I threaded the canvas belt stuff through the holes. THEN, I took a little shoe glue and glued it all in place.


This is what the bottom looks like with the shoe glue. I filled the hole with it.


Here is what the shoes look like now! He says they feel so soft on his feet!!!! I forgot to take a before picture, MAN! Hopefully you get the idea!

Water Color Portrate

I saw this idea at Craftsters and decided to give it a whirl. I didn't have a light box, so I made my own! I just took a piece of glass out of a frame that I wasn't using. I cut myself on the edge, so I recommend putting tape around the edges to protect yourself!


I just pulled my table apart and put the piece of glass over it. Put a lamp underneath the glass and WALLAH! A free light box!


Tape the glass and the paper down. I needed my light a little closer, so I just propt it up with some boxes.


I used adobe photoshop and turned my photos black and white. If you are using this program the easiest way to do that is to open your photo, press D. Then at the top go to (Filter-Sketch-Stamp).


I would like this better if I had shaped her face better and used better colors. Oh well. This was my test run #1!

Test run #2. Better, but I still am learning with the colors. Hhhhmmmm any suggestions!?!